Tag Archives: food

Thoughts – August 1st, 2013

I haven’t been writing much lately.
One reason is lack of inspiration.
I guess my muse is away on holiday or she got fed up with me and left.

The past two weeks Little A. stayed with me and I gave her as much quality time as possible. We did lot’s of stuff together and one evening we took Princess out for dinner to Antwerp and it was just great and fun and the mussels delicious and tasty.

When my daughter is staying at my place Princess and I can’t play the way we are used to either. No spanking, whipping or other stuff that makes noises of makes Princess scream or yell or moan heavily.

I miss the playing though, not only its intensity and the pleasure it brings us both, but also thinking of a scenario, putting it together, adding the music, creating a mood.

Yesterday evening I pulled the sofa in front of my iMac and Princess and I watched “Eyes Wide Shut”. I had talked about this movie extensively in the past and Princess was dying to see it. She loved the erotic atmosphere, the way the scenes were lit and the story itself.

It is mainly about infidelity and  is a topic that makes me not only feel uncomfortable  but lets  old but not forgotten pain surface generating fear it will happen again.

Unfortunately I am a field expert.
I was cheated on during my first long relationship many years ago and I still remember how it hurt. When I found out the first time it felt as if the ground was going to open and swallow me into black darkness where trust and believe and hope do not exist. I felt so damned lost, trust vanished and my self-esteem crumbling. Was it my fault? Was I not enough a man? Was I neglecting her?
It was almost like sitting in a small life-boat riding huge waves not knowing where one is being led to nor having any control over what is happening.
She was unfaithful with one of my best friends.
As it always does it seems.
I forgave her but could not forget and never felt the same trust I did before.
No more than a half-year later she had something with her hairdresser. To get even I cheated on her too but it made me feel even worse. After that I simply left her and it took me a hell of a time to learn and trust a partner again.

Years later, she long forgotten, another good friend of mine, half drunk, confessed he had her too when I was two days in Paris for my work. Yes, I could remember that evening very clear when I tried to phone her from the hotel and the phone ringed and ringed and was not answered. My stomach twitching and contracting near to vomiting. And how she told me the next day she had gone out on a girl’s evening. Yeah the hell you were!

Not long after I left her she hooked up with a father of two who left his wife and sold his house to be with her.

After I divorced the mother of my daughters, it simply didn’t work and there was no cheating involved,  it took me some time before I was ready for a new relationship.

Then I met someone with whom I was together for about 9 months. One evening, a friend and colleague and his wife had just left after enjoying dinner with us, she told me she was going to leave me. She felt that our relationship was more like a brother/sister thing and anyway, she added, she was back with her ex since a few months but she lacked the courage to tell me earlier not wanting to hurt my feelings.
Yeah sure you didn’t.

I guess this is the reason why I don’t have that many friends and that I do not like being part of a group as I still feel, deep in me, the fear to be cheated on again and I know what it does to a man (or a woman) and I don’t want to be there anymore. Never ever.

Fortunately Princess has helped me , with patience and understanding, getting rid of my fears, reassuring me and explaining that bad things don’t always happen over and over.

I want to emphasize I trust Princess completely and unconditionally.
I have never loved as deep as I love Princess.

Cleaning up


Little A. is staying at my place this weekend. For this Friday she wanted something tasty for dinner.

So I bought some Shiitake mushrooms, baked them in butter and made a delicious sauce and topped it off with truffle oil.
The paste was al dente as she likes it and after the meal Little A. told me she had enjoyed it very much.

What could I do else than smile, a happy part-time father?

Well I wouldn’t be me if I hadn’t kept a mushroom. Just to make its portrait.

Shot with my Olympus E-PM1 and the excellent Lumix 20mm f1,7.



Saturday, December 29th.
Princess came by and we looked at photographs I had made of The Baby, N., and photographs her daughter had made.
I opted for an image B., one of her daughters had made.
Princess phoned to the mother as the final name wasn’t sure yet. She asked me to mail the design to her two daughters. More phone calls and then finally the last piece was added to the puzzle.
The layout of the card was approved, I had green light to start the production of 60 cards.

I’ll come over later and help you, Princess said, kissing me and then she was gone.

I have 40 sheets of Steinbach drawing paper each measuring 270mm x 360mm so I could print 3 card on one page with my Canon Pixma Pro 9500 Mark II.

Made some test prints so I could get the b&w picture of N. right and then I started printing.

It took the bigger part of the afternoon printing and cutting the cards by hand.

When Princess arrived later that evening the work was almost finished.
“Need some help?” she asked.
“No sweetheart, not for this, maybe later on because there are other things I need you help for.”
She smiled and turned to Little A.
“Let’s bake pancakes,” she said.
“Yessssssss,” little A. replied with a big smile.

When they finished making the pancakes I had finished to, the printer spit out the last sheet. I used my cutter. One cut to hurt the paper so I was able to fold the 250gr per square meter paper and 6 real cuts, I could do it all in less than a minute.

The pancakes where delicious and I had one, Princess had created a heart-shaped one.

I enjoyed the fact Princess and Little A. had a connection, wish I could have this with her kids to.

Later on that evening Princess yawned, she was tired.
We went to bed.
Our battlefield.