The end of “4”

It started with a stressful evening.

Yet it changed, over time, so much for us, Princess, Stella and I, and I feel grateful having been a part of this story. I’ve learned to be patient and understanding but most of all I experienced the satisfaction of opening my heart and mind to others and I got two treasures of real gold back in return.
Boy it was one heck of a ride!
This is how I experienced it and I know for Princess it was only a sad continuation of loved ones in psychiatric care.
For Stella it was and is, I think, more about growing, transcending her selves and she did one hell of a fine job.

On January 3th (2013) Princess and I fetched Stella and Star at the maternity, drove to the city so Stella could officially register her daughter and then I drove them to the Mother/Baby psychiatric care unit that I soon started to call simply “4”.

What I remember of that evening is that I had to stop on numerous occasions so Stella could run out of the car and vomit. Stress.

At the care unit I told Princess to take care of her daughter and the baby, I would unload the car.
The brick I had put against the door to prevent it to close slipped away and the doorbell didn’t work. So I rang Princess and felt her iPhone vibrate in my back pocket. I finally found myself yelling “Hey my love open the door” on the street and it took a fucking long time before it occurred to Princess I was missing. Ah, love… 🙂

A few weeks later, during our first Salsa dance lesson, Stella texted everyone in her phonebook telling them she was infected with some deadly disease and prayed Star would be in good hands. That evening Princess and I spend our time doing damage control, texting and phoning, assuring friends and family nothing was wrong.
Psychosis is so nasty, so mind fucking, an evil SOB, I know, I have been there too, not that bad or deep but I know what it is. What it feels like.
During her pregnancy Stella was not able to take her medication and finally psychosis kicked in again.

It took some time for Stella to get a grip and the drugs to work. I saw a distressed and lost girl, a young mother, clawing to survive in those first weeks of then year 2013.

During the first few months I kept a low profile as Stella has an issue with trust but then she started to accept me. It was a very slow process though, but I could relate to that. Some things take time as long as there is the intention of making progress.
The Boy, Ar and Bo for example, Princesses other kids, never ever, in the two years Princess and I are together, made an effort to get to know me, they simple banned me from the start, the “foreign = bad” mentality.

When Princess could not free herself from work I drove Stella and Star to “4” and during the trip there was small talk, mostly questions from Stella, curious to find out who I am.
Princess and I took Stella and Star twice on a daytrip and both times it was fabulous and fun.

Past Wednesday, the penultimate trip to “4”, I drove Stella and Star as Princess had to work. We talked and Stella confided to me, told me about her feelings towards her father and when I briefed Princess she simply told me it was so great to see how Stella trusts me and tells me things she does not want to tell her therapist.

I must admit, I consider Stella almost as my daughter and Star as my granddaughter although I officially never will be. Neither Stella nor her siblings will ever accept that thought and I understand as doing so they would betray their late father.

 

4/Four

Stella’s time at “4” was limited yet she stayed longer than most residents. I remember how many times we visited apartments so she could start a life on her own. Stella was turned down each time.
Single mom, no income (she has a replacement income), all the fucking blabla and more than once the not so nice thought occurred to me, hell, owner, I would like to see you on the streets to be spit on because you are, momentarily, out of luck.

Finally Star got an apartment through the social housing company. Her brother and sisters repainted the place, I did some things too and tomorrow, August 30th, Star and Stella are moving out of “4” and moving into a new life. For the first time Stella will be on her own yet closely followed up by different social support organizations.
Princess and I are going to fetch Stella and Star tomorrow.

I’m sure Stella will make it. She has her mother, and her brother and sisters to look after her and her little baby Star. And me.

It will be difficult though. For example I made a label with her name for the doorbell and asked for her permission to stick it on the doorbell. Not even half an hour later she asked me to take it away because it made her feel uncomfortable. Maybe her abusive ex-boyfriend and father of Star could track her down. Fears, trust, Stella has to coop with it.

But Stella and Star are surrounded by love and she will never be alone.

I wish Stella and Star all the best and I will do everything in my power to help them. They are a part of my family and I love them both very much.

Princess and I don’t live together so I am finally an outsider and I have some concerns.

Driving to “4” mostly took some 2 hours back and forth and half of that we were alone, Princess and I, stuck in the privacy of the car and being able to discuss everything. That will be gone.

Stella has subscribed to several evening courses and I’ve promised her that, when the weather is bad, I’ll drive her back and forth as she has to do everything with the bicycle.
So in the future I’ll be seeing her now and then.

But when Stella is on such an evening course it is Princess who will be babysitting and for convenience this will be at her place, her home where I am not welcome.

I’m barely tolerated at Princesses house, just accepted for the time it took to pick up Stella and Star when I drove them to “4”.

The Boy, Ar and Bo resent my presence in their mother’s home so I won’t see baby Star that much anymore and that idea makes me incredibly sad.

I will miss Star’s laughter and babbling, holding her, telling her stories so much.

The most important though is that Stella and Star are starting a new future. Stella has come a long way and I am so very proud of her.
I’ve seen just one year’s difference and it is remarkable.

Yes, I am so proud of Stella as if she is my own daughter.
She really is something!

I will miss the time with them so much…

 

If you like this post or this blog then please follow me on Sir Franco Bolli as this blog will be discontinued

SirFrancoBolli.org

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

TPE Total Power Exchange

I found this an interesting post with lots of interesting thoughts so I want to share it. This could be a good starting point for some musings of my own.

thekinkyworldofvile

Not many really understand this concept. I have said this many many times if you are a new Dominant just entering the lifestyle find a good mentor. Actually finding a good mentor can be just as hard as finding a partner in the lifestyle.

Although we each run our house different, rules, and protocols, it is still good to have someone on the outside to get advice from.

There are a few things to consider if your not planning on any kind of mentor. Impact play, where to hit and where not to hit, I have blogged about this type of play and the dangers. Rope bondage if you do not know what you are doing, you can do damage, muscles, and tendons. The last thing we want to do is hurt ours

So your married and both have agreed to enter a TPE relationship this is a huge task…

View original post 1,443 more words

Friendly reminder

Dear Followers and Readers,

Please note this blog has been moved to SirFrancoBolli.org.

For the time being I’ll be posting on both but it is my intention to focus on SirFrancoBolli.org from September 1st.

I would like to invite you, Readers, who like my blog to follow me on SirFrancoBolli.org and post your comments there too.

Thank you very much for joining and I hope to meet you at SirFrancoBolli.org

SirFrancoBolli.org

August 15th, 2013

August 15th last year was one of the memorable moments we now are sharing, Princess and I.
That evening we were walking in Aarschot during the annual Saint Rochus festivities and on that occasion the city streets are only lit with candles.
We entered a church near the Beguinage and admired a huge chandelier hanging some 2 meters above the floor.
Before I could say something, I was hesitating, still carefully composing the phrase in my mind, Princess suddenly told me she could imagine lying naked, blindfolded and bound under it, exhilarated by not knowing when the next drop of hot candle wax would touch her skin.
I was stunned and joyful at the same time, not only because I wanted to say almost the same thing but it confirmed what we were already assuming. Our lovemaking was already a little rough but that evening was the starting point of our D/s journey and it is still is incredible liberating and beneficial for us.

Yesterday in the early evening I took Princess to the water- and watch-tower overlooking our village. It is built on an ancient dune and the 360° view from the top, some 71 meters above sea level is pretty stunning.
Princess had never been up there and she enjoyed the visit, peeking through my binoculars. Even with the naked eye we could see the nuclear power plant of Doel and the lights of the industry concentrated around Antwerp Harbor some 30 kilometers in straight line from where we were standing.

Then we drove to Aarschot and finally found a parking spot in a field. It was clear we were not going to be alone, the Saint-Rochus fest is very popular.

It was so beautiful, fairy-like, moving and so romantic. All these little flickering candles in the streets, behind windows, some concentrated on balconies and along poles as small constellations in a milky way of yellow flames.
We both felt it, Princess and I, and we held hands while we walked, exchanging kisses and looking at each other, incredibly happy and so much in love.

Soon we arrived at the church and we entered and when we arrived at the chandelier we sat down, holding each other, smiling at the memories and I took a few photographs. It was memorable, like it was a year ago.

Object of desire
The streets were crowded and the terraces full but we found an empty table and sat outside, in the dark, surrounded by a few candles, enjoying a Leffe and gazing at the stars and at each other.

Having a drink
Time stood still and we talked about so much but mostly about out D/s lifestyle, our first play in “public”, on September 7th in The Fetish Café in Antwerp. We discussed which toys we absolutely wanted to take with us during our holiday week in Germany in a month from now.
Mostly though we looked at each other, smiling, kissing and we felt the electricity between us, the Love and the desire and the deep connection that bounds us.
It was here, in Aarschot, were we dated for the first time, it was in the park I gave Princess her first ring, almost a year ago and we will be back in Aarschot on September 20th to celebrate our 2nd anniversary.

We came home a little past midnight and went to bed. We were tired and I had to get up early for work.
Princess and I kissed and cuddled and made love. It was a little rough but it was intense and we both came.
I wished Princess good night and we slept and dreamt lying close to each other.

SirFrancoBolli.org and other musings

Yesssss!
It is up and running and although it still needs a little tweaking I am ready to go viral.

I am talking about my domain SirFrancoBolli.org where I am hosting my blog Princess and I.

In a few weeks I will be only posting on SirFrancoBolli.org  but for the time being I’ll be posting on both SirFrancoBolli.org and francobolli666.wordpress.org.

I sincerely hope we, Princess and I, will be finding you on SirFrancoBolli.orgvery soon.

We’ve read stories about blogs that are shut down without warning because their content is a violation against the rules of the blog hosting company.

Let me give an example.
As a user of Pinterest I was asked, a few days ago, to remove an image because it was against their rules, referring to nudity that was “not artistic”.
Who the hell are those idiots to decide what is art and what is not?
One could establish a set of rules of course and even then the line between art and porn or whatever will be very thin.

There are a zillion images on Pinterest that show naked people and my image was an artsy one of a woman dressed in ropes. And yes, I guess one could see the shadow of a nipple. One can find lots of nipples on Pinterest.
Maybe Pinterest’s censorship is based on personal taste what makes it even worse.

So I was asked politely by some frustrated idiot to remove the “offending” image which I did ending my subscription too.
I do not need Pinterest or whatever but they need us, users, who generate their income. If we do not use their services they go broke, it is that simple.
Unfortunately the masses prefer accepting censorship to free speech.

Don’t get me wrong on this as there are of course boundaries to freedom of speech like inciting hate, racism, pedophilia, bestiality and so on.

I have tweaked my blog on SirFrancoBolli.org and I am in a very bad mood and I’m working for Pinterest too, an underpaid side job and I have found two horrendous images that I think should need to be removed, not only from Pinterest.com but from the Internet too.
As soon as possible.

So don’t forget… SirFrancoBolli.org

Boss, I'm sorry, I do not feel well. My wife left me a week ago for my best friend's wife and at the moment I hate everything with boobs. I am rejecting this photograph, sorry, painting because it depicts group sex and that is against out policy. Yes Boss, I know, they are not yet fucking but one knows they will soon. There is also a degrading aspect because one can see in the lower right a man having strangulation sex with a woman. One can also notice a man without any arms but completely naked yearning for a blow job. Sorry Boss, I must be tired, sorry, but just noticed a half naked woman on the left enticing an almost naked kid with candy or something. Yours, Frustrated Idiot
Boss,
I’m sorry, I do not feel well. My wife left me a week ago for my best friend’s wife and at the moment I hate everything with boobs. I am rejecting this photograph, sorry, painting because it depicts group sex and that is against out policy. Yes Boss, I know, they are not yet fucking but one knows they will soon.
There is also a degrading aspect because one can see in the lower right a man having strangulation sex with a woman.
One can also notice a man without any arms but completely naked yearning for a blow job.
Sorry Boss, I must be tired, sorry, but just noticed a half naked woman on the left enticing an almost naked kid with candy or something.
Yours,
Frustrated Idiot
Dear Boss, as a Pinterest employe I am banning this image because this images shows two lesbians, one of them touching a naked child who on its turn is trying to fuck a lam. Or forcing it into a blow job, I am not sure about this. This clearly is against Pinterest rules. Yours,  Frustrated Clerck.
Dear Boss, as a Pinterest employe I am banning this image because this images shows two lesbians, one of them touching a naked child who on its turn is trying to fuck a lam. Or forcing it into a blow job, I am not sure about this.
This clearly is against Pinterest rules.
Yours,
Frustrated Clerck.

A personal note

I remember how my father stimulated my fantasy. He made me a member of the local library, I was 8 or 9 and he allowed me to read anything I wanted. When I had questions, he was always there to answer them. My father made me write or tell stories too and taught me never to take anything for granted. I had to think for myself.
I like to think my father helped me to become a man with a rich inner world, lots of imagination and gifted with an open mind.
He died long ago, when I was 13, and I still miss him although I know that over time my mind has crafted a glorified memory of him.

A while ago Princess and I rented a French movie called “The Untouchables” and tells the story of an aristocrat who has become quadriplegic from a paragliding accident. He hires a young man, his complete opposite, as a personal assistant.
It is a beautiful movie, satiated with sincere and intense emotions, friendship and hope. It is based on a true story too, making it even more authentic.
In one scene a prostitute is hired to satisfy the paralyzed man but because he is quadriplegic she concentrates on his earlobe, massaging it and making him climax in a way a normal man can’t.
The (human) body is a master in finding ways to substitute senses that are lost.
When I posted “What a night!” a few days ago Princess said she doubted if anyone would ever believe we are able to play for 4 hours in a row.

My first reaction, ‘I don’t care’, was soon erased by the fact I do not want this blog to be a lie or a fantasy. This blog is a part of our personal life we want to share, an online diary, an account of us, Princess and I and our D/s lifestyle.

So yes, I can keep up the pace without Viagra or any other drug.
I have my own sensitive earlobe called my inner world.

No, I can’t come that easy anymore, it has even become difficult and Princess and I can make love or fuck or play for a few evenings in a row without me not even spilling 1 spermatozoid.

Do I mind?
I did until I met Princess.

She loves the way I am because I meet her needs and Princess loves to be thoroughly fucked and yes, I can do that.

I do not cum so I remain not only hard but also aroused and focused. Princess is the center of my sexual attentions and she craves it.

I find absolute pleasure in pleasuring Princess and my gratification is situated deep in my mind, in my fantasy world when she comes over and over. When Princess ejaculates and snuggles even closer to me, tears in her beautiful eyes, then I am so happy, so intensely moved I know just spurting my goodies cannot even start to pleasure me in the same way.

My mind climaxes when Princess shivers and shakes and loses herself in subspace and she sighs and whispers a zillion times how much she loves me.
The intense pleasure of giving aftercare, holding and soothing my Love adds up to that.
I am no longer driven by my desires so I can give pleasure in abundance to the woman I love so much and who is everything for me.
I give it all to Princess.

Princesses nipple and candle wax

Thoughts – August 12, 2013

Monday, another day at the office.

The weekend was awesome and I am still savoring the intense moments Princess and I shared. Our Friday evening play is still very prominent present and we can’t stop talking about it.

Saturday evening Princess and I watched the 1994 movie “The Shawshank Redemption” with Tim Robbins and Morgan Freeman. We both enjoyed the film very much. Princess  was astonished to learn the story was written by Stephen King assuming the man only writes horror.
Then we went to bed and made vanilla love and at several occasions Princess chuckled when, out of habit, I grabbed her hair, hesitated and then didn’t pull, or my hand dwelling over her behind without scratching or pinching. It was fun but we missed the rough part though.

Just before turning the lights off Princess told me she was still overwhelmed by what happened Friday evening.

Sunday morning we fetched Stella and Star, I dropped them at Princesses’ place and went home and spent a calm day reading, surfing and writing. In the evening I fetched Princess, Stella and Star and drove them back to “4”, the mother/baby care unit.

After that Princess and I made love at my place, it was delicious and I was able to cum and it felt great. Just before midnight I drove Princess to her place, came back and had a good night sleep.

So now I am at the office and there is not much happening so I was able to do a dry-run.

Yesterday I visited a WordPress blog but is was gone and the message on the screen told me the account was closed due to violation of WordPress rules.
Time for some action before being the next victim of WordPress’ censorship.

I downloaded and installed WAMP on my PC at work and after that I had a perfect working web server with MySql and PHP. After exporting a backup  XML-file from my blog and installing a MySQL database on my PC, I installed WordPress and imported the XML-file.
Within 20’ I had a working copy of my blog running locally on my PC so that seems to be a no-brainer.

I have found a cheap hosting formula and the only thing that is preventing me of signing up is the domain name I have to choose. Frankly, I have no idea as most extensions I can use with francobolli are already taken.

I have two I like:
francobolli.org.uk or francobolli.name

I’ll ask Princess for her opinion but input from you, Readers, is most welcome too.

A Cap Blanc Nez