I really can’t remember but I must have been 5 or six and it was in the Old House.
Hell, even know I sometimes dream of this place that once was my real home and these words spring to mind:
Last night I dreamt I went to Manderley again . . . I came upon it suddenly; the approach masked by the unnatural growth of a vast shrub that spread in all directions . . . There was Manderley, our Manderley, secretive and silent as it had always been, the gray stone shining in the moonlight of my dream, the mullioned windows reflecting the green lawns and terrace. Time could not wreck the perfect symmetry of those walls, nor the site itself, a jewel in the hollow of a hand.
Daphne du Maurier – Rebecca
There was of course no green lawn, nor a nearby seaside or lawns or shrubs. But The House was my Manderly yet not so brooding and dangerous as in the novel. It was a happy place and when it went away it took eons before I was happy and complete once again.
So I must have been 5 or six and I was sitting in the staircase watching my mom packing stuff for a yard sale.
When she started packing the bowl in tabloid paper I halted her and asked her to keep it with us because I liked it. I have no idea why, I just asked her to spare this bowl.
She did, my dear mother and for years it moved around with us, our small family, my mother, my now estranged sister and me.
A few years ago my sis and I entered her house after a horrible day when we lost her.
Everything was tided up and there where small notes everywhere, I guess my mom knew she would not come home anymore.
There was the bowl on her cupboard and a note stating it was mine.
Hell, I had forgotten.
Since it has not had a prominent place in my apartment, I’ve hidden it in a corner in my kitchen and I am sure Princess has never noticed it. I did not know what to do with it, where to display it.
I put it on my newly acquired chest-of-drawers filled with the toys I use as a Dom and it feels so good because it seems like it has found its destination.
I know, yet I am not certain, my mom would probably disapprove. I have no idea what Princess will think, she has never seen this bowl.
Why as a kid I saved this bowl from an uncertain future I do not know, the reason is forgotten, buried under so many years.
I love this bowl, as it is a reminder of those happy childhood years who evaporated to soon.
I hope Princess likes it as she has given me what I thought I had lost forever.
Happiness, being myself, being complete and protected and loved.
Yeah, I like the loved part very much.
Do carry on, Princess.
You are everything to me, my life and my love and my wife to be.
You and I, Princess, forever and one day.