The discovery – August 15, 2012

I’ve been putting several Picasa albums online for Princess and Stella, her eldest daughter. Mainly baby photos of course. Star is so incredible cute and I have grown very fond of her and Stella whom I consider as my stepdaughter.

I also made and album with photographs of Princess and I, candid shots I took in 2012.
One of these images has a story attached that I’m now going to share.

August 15th, 2012.
Each year on August 15 a village near where we live is illuminated by a zillion candles and tea lights. It is a very old tradition thanking Saint Rochus (1295-1327) for saving supposedly, on numerous occasions, the inhabitants from the Black Death.
It was beautiful and there was no electric light, just the candles. And lots and lots of visitors of course. It is after all a well know event.
We enjoyed several live shows and one in the park, the performers dressed as 18th century noblemen, was noteworthy.

Princess and I were almost 1 year together and we enjoyed the romantic atmosphere of all these glowing candles.
We had discovered we both liked rough sex but we had not yet shared our mutual interest in BDSM let alone talked about any kind of D/s dynamics.

Maybe there was still some holding back; maybe we guessed there was mutual interest without being sure though. It is not always that easy to discuss things such as one’s sexuality.

We floated along with a slow-moving stream of people into a beguinage and entered a church also filled with a myriad of tea lights, a milky way of yellow flames.

In the back of the church hung an enormous chandelier with multiple levels of candles hanging approximately 2 meter above the floor. I estimated its broadest diameter being at least 4 meters or so.
Wow, it was breathtaking.

For a moment I closed my eyes and without any warning I saw, in my mind’s eye, Princess.
Naked, blindfolded and tied to a Saint Andrews’ cross. Lying under the chandelier, moaning and shivering each time a drop of hot candle wax made contact with her skin.
My mouth became dry by the sheer idea. I felt excited and incredibly aroused and quickly hardened and I still was hoping Princess would be more than just the love of my life, which was already more I would have ever hoped for.
I then took a deep breath, opened my mouth to share the image with Princess and thought, no, I don’t want to scare her away.

“You know what?” Princess said all of a sudden, smiling.
“Tell me,” I encouraged her.
“Lying under there, blindfolded, not knowing when the next drop will hit. The fear of anticipation.”

It took a few milliseconds but it could have been hours or even eons before my brain had fully processed the impact of her words. My throat had become dry, my heart was pounding like a madman in my chest.

I grabbed her hand and pulled Princess towards me, kissing her, smiling, and I guess I said some silly things.
The rest of the evening, this amazing evening filled with new opportunities and unspoken promises stayed what it was, a fairy tale.

The unspoken had been expressed in a fun and unexpected way.
We both knew things between us had changed for the better and our love life would never be the same again.

I can say without any doubt that BDSM had added a value I cannot start to describe to our relation and, of course, our sex life.

Discovery

Father – thoughts, June 25th, 2013

I don’t watch television that much and the only reason why I still have one is because of Little A. Disney Channel, Nickelodeon and the works.

A few years ago though I followed a few series like “Castle”, “Lie to me”, “The Mentalist” but my absolute favorite was “NCIS”. I loved the stories and the interaction and dialogues between the main characters were fun to watch and in some way I could even relate to some of them.

Yesterday morning I was keeping Litte A. company and we were sitting in the sofa watching the bloody television.
Then she had to leave as she had an appointment with a girlfriend and left me sitting in front of the telly alone. I took the remote control to switch of this hideous thing off when I noticed an episode of NCIS was due next.



‘Ah, why not?’ I thought and I could afford spending the 50 minutes or so.
I sat back and enjoyed this episode where one of the main characters is confronted with his estranged father, a role played with verve by Robert Wagner. 


Of course they find each other at the end and, when their ways separate again, they say goodbye and after a brief hesitation the father says to his son “I love you.
It hit me like a sledgehammer and suddenly my eyes filled with tears and I cried and for the bigger part of the day I felt rather gloomy. 

My father passed away in 1972 at the beginning of June, just before my school exams. Hell, I was thirteen.

And now, even 41 years later, it touches me when I am reminded of my loss (and that of my mom of course, and my sister) and apparently I am still very emotional about it. This does not mean I go weeping around every time I hear the word father but there are moments I am much more vulnerable.
Some of Princess’ kids still have an issue with our relation although things are slowly changing for the better. I now am allowed to enter the house to pick up Princess but staying for dinner or even drinks is still impossible. 
I still have to see her daughters leaving the room when I enter. Or refusing to say “hello”.

The Boy, 16, has the most issues with me. The few times we met unfortunately ended in verbal attacks. He has a very hard time cooping in a rational way with our relation, letting his emotions taking over every time.
Sometimes I find it hard not to interpret their rejection as a personal disallowance and I forget they lost their father not even 3 years ago.



The emotional moments I experienced yesterday helps me understand that grieve is something that fades away over time but remains very near to the surface of ones memories. I know I have to give Princess’s kids time to adjust.
But sometimes I tend to forget this and I lose myself in lack of understanding and then Princess takes the heat.
Sometimes I am a goddamned idiot.

Sadness

Thoughts – June 24th, 2013

I am enjoying a day off at work. Little A. arrived on Friday and is staying till Thursday. We are due at her school at 17:00 sharp that day to discuss her school report. I’m pretty sure I will be proud of my daughter. After that I’ll be doing the same with Big A. at her school and I hope I will be proud of her too.

While I am writing this I’m listening to a rather profound piece of music. It is called The Host of Seraphim, performed by Dead Can Dance. I will associate this for the rest of my life with the ending of the movie “The Mist” when choices must be made and, well…
When we saw these final images, this grand music to go along with it, Big A. and I a few years ago, we felt as if an invisible hand dropped ice water along our spines. For minutes after The End had vanished from the screen we remained speechless, touched and completely blow away.
Wow, what a story and boy what an ending!
(mental note: I must see this movie with Princess)

The weekend was once again freaking awesome and wonderful.
Princess and I went to our dance course and stayed for a few more hours more practicing. We take lessons in a very classy Salsa Bar with a real wooden floor.
Then we got tired and all sweaty and we just sat down and observed our surroundings, absorbing the music and drinking our beers. Desperados if you want to know, wondering if we ever drink anything else than exquisite Bin 50 Shiraz.

When Little A. is staying at my place we tend to be very careful, Princess and I. Walls are thin and at night sounds seem to carry a long way and the slap of my hand on Princess’ delicious behind becomes like a gun shot, resonating for what seems hours.
I took a quick shower and when I entered the bedroom Princess was lying on her belly on the bed, texting one of her kids. What a sight, Princess’ beautifully curved ass, the pale skin, so soft and warm and responsive to even the slightest of my touches.

I kissed her buttocks and because I wasn’t allowed spanking, the noise, remember, I did to Princess what she loves and craves on and something new I recently discovered she lusts for.
I sunk my teeth in her warm flesh and it is so effective as Princess becomes wet instantly. This does not produce any noise, anyway, not from me that is, but from the corner of my eye I saw Princess pushing her fist in her mouth while I bit her over her behind.
After a while I found it was time for some more serious stuff so I turned Princess over and spread her legs.
She is delicious and open and wet and I love licking her juices, making her cum.
This time I added some biting too, her inner thighs, labia and, more gently, her clit.
Princess moaned, sighed, enjoyed and did her best to make as less noise as possible. She can be brave and a good girl too.

I had hidden a wooden spoon under my cushion and when Princess least expected it I slapped her clit with it. Once. Twice.
A third time.
Rubbed her clit to make up for the pain.
Hit it again in a quick sequence, like a firing tommy gun.

“Cum,” I ordered.
Princes groaned and pleasured me, ejaculating elaborately.

Did I mention Princess is a good girl?
She ejaculated a few more times for me and the next-to last one, and the last one, I had to ask if she was okay.
Princess had squirted in abundance, her hips shaking, goose bumps covering the bigger part of her skin and I her eyes I read a tale of infinite happiness.
She turned on her side, curled up, shaking, trembling, shivering; at the brink of crying as an emotional reaction.

I took Princess in my arms, covered us and switched off the light.
We slept and waking up next the her, omg, it is a present I’ll never get tired off.

Princess stayed overnight on Sunday too.

Of course we made love yesterday night and I did my best to keep it as vanilla as I could and Princess found it funny.
We made love for almost two hours and I did not pull her hair, pinch her in any way, slap her pussy or ass, scratch her or bite her lips or tongue.

Yes, we had plain vanilla sex and I had to concentrate for keep it that way. So many temptations I was able to bypass.

Did I like it?
Honestly?
Mmmm… just a little.

Seeds

Princess, a portrait

I’m an avid photographer and I’ve shown some work of mine on this blog. I love doing macro and landscape and like to dabble a bit in sports photography, bicycle races mostly, because of the technical challenges.

I’ve a huge collection of downloaded artsy bdsm photographs and we both, Princess and I, occasionally browse through them.

We talked about making some of our own and we tried but I found it very difficult. First of all I didn’t feel inspired and kept asking myself if I had something of a personal touch or view to add to the genre. Princess was worried about being recognized, even if I would not include a headshot, her jewelry would give her away for certain.

Finally we made a few shots and one of them I posted on my “about” page.
This portrait, although very cliché, I do love very much. I added several textures and tried to create a kind of timeless feeling.

Yet I don’t feel the urge to explore this kind of photography. Not now anyhow and maybe one day I’ll change my mind. Maybe Princess will motivate me to try it again.

Princess in agony

A letter to Princess

Princess,

It feels like it was only yesterday when I met you, a beautiful young and self-confident woman. I was so damn nervous when we parted that evening, asking, with a dry mouth and trembling voice, for your phone number.
I remember how you smiled when you wrote it down for me and how lighthearted I walked back home. Yes Princess, I already knew, it was carved in my soul and engraved in my heart, that we were meant for each other.

We dated for the first time two weeks later and I took you to a Sushi restaurant and we talked and talked. And then talked some more.

The first time we touched, when I carefully and very nervously took your hand, it felt as a familiar gesture and it gave me goose bumps as your skin was so warm, so soft and probably already yearning for my touches.
You know I still love caressing you, Princess.

Our first kiss was a passionate one and it tasted for more, so much more.

When we made love for the first time, some weeks later, it was an amazing, intense and wonderful experience. Watching you, caressing you, tasting you, so vulnerable in your nakedness, touched me very deep.
You awakened emotions in me that I had long forgotten of.

Months later we discovered in a leisurely and completely spontaneous way the D/s dynamics flowing between us and our lovemaking became even more intense, even more amazing. I believe it even brought us closer to one another.

We had a few quarrels but I know we wouldn’t have had them if I did not have started them in the first place. I still feel so sorry for these little dark clouds I put on our otherwise pristine blue sky.
And now, Princess, we are only three months away from our 2nd anniversary. I am so looking forward for spending our first real holiday together.

Since a few weeks we are wearing engagement rings and one day we will be living together and then, on some other day we will get married.
Our kisses still taste as the first one did and I am still insatiable.
Making love with you, to you, Princess, is still incredible intense and startling and I can’t get enough of you.
Holding hands makes my heart pound and fills me with tingling pleasure.
Waking up next to you still touches me more than I could ever express in words.
Being with you, looking at you, omg Princess, I am such a happy man.

It is June 20th, we are now 21 months together. I want to thank you, Princess, for everything you have given me. For making me a better man, for making me so happy.

I can say, Princess, without hesitation and to the full extend of these words that I have never, ever, loved someone the way I love you. I can’t start imagining you not being in my life.
With you I want to grow old.
With you and only you I want to walk the rest of the road that lies in front of us.

You and I, Princess,
Yours,
Me.

Soft and beautiful

You, Princess

A photograph of a poppy with vaguely, on the background, some writing. It could well be poetry written for Princess by me.

Do you remember that evening, Princess, 637 days ago, when I saw you for the first time?
When my world shifted.
Heaven became earth and earth heaven.
Time simply halted that evening.
Everything went dark.
There was only one golden light.
You.

I knew there and then that I had found my Grail.
Nothing ever would be the same.
My life finally started.

637 days later I cannot understand how I’ve ever managed existing without you.

You, Princess.
Yes.
You.
And I.

Poppy

In Bruges – Part two

Bruges was a wonderful experience although the weather, certainly on Saturday, wasn’t what one could expect for a 1st of June: overcast and chilly.

We walked for hours and hours, visiting art galleries, the Cathedral and so on. There was a flea market and Princess found some handcuffs dating from World War 1, made in Czechoslovakia, heavy and so real, not the cheap shit one finds in a sleazy sex shop.

They were expensive and Princess asked me what I preferred, engagement rings or the cuffs as they could be interpreted as such too.
“Sure,” I told her, “I can see us visiting your parents wearing these cuffs. They sure as hell would be very happy for us.”
“Besides,” I went on, “they are very heavy and they will hurt after a short while.”
“That doesn’t bother me,” she replied, “it adds spice to the experience. You know how I am.”
Yes, I do, I thought and I love every bit of you.

It was very tempting but finally we didn’t get them.

Bruges is known for its horse and carriage rides and Princess drew my attention to the large whips they use. Later on she took me to a store selling typical Bruges lace but we didn’t find the small apron Princess had in mind.

It is fun when the love of my life gets carried away and looks for stuff we can use when we play.

When we arrived at our hotel that Saturday evening we were exhausted and cold to the bone.
“Care for a bath?”
Princess nodded, smiling happily.
“Lie down on bed for a few moments sweetheart, I will take care of everything.”

I prepared the bath, lit the tea lights I had hidden in my suitcase and searched for an appropriate playlist on my iPod.

We enjoyed the warm water lying close to one another, talking about the day and so on.
I washed Princess’s hair and then we went to bed and made love, very intense and ever so passionate. There was the hair pulling and nipple pinching of course and I told Princess she was not allowed to come.
She didn’t because Princess is a good girl.

Just before we fell asleep I told Princess she was allowed to cum the next morning. The only thing she had to do after waking up was get out of bed and take the foam camping mat out of my suitcase (we didn’t take a mattress protector with us), lay it on the ground and ask me to make her come.

We woke up the next morning and we made love again yet Princess hadn’t prepared the foam mat so I ordered her to do so.
She reluctantly did so and lay down and I made her cum and she was once again so emotional afterwards so I held her and kissed Princess and told her a zillion times I love her. Over and over, gently stroking and cuddling the love of my life.

Later that day Princess told me she had found it very difficult to obey, certainly what I had ordered her to do, getting out of bed and preparing everything. Not that Princess found it degrading or so, just the mechanism of being fucked and having a mat for that purpose, made it difficult for her to coop with.

Concerning the foam mat, I hope Princess will accept it as a part of our play but I won’t be using it anymore until she feels comfortable with the idea. It has nothing to do with soft or hard limits, that I am sure. It left me a little confused though.

I remember how she opposed to the soft leather collar and now she loves it. Princess needs it when we play and the other day she told me how strange and naked it feels when I remove the collar after playing.

Cuffs