Thoughts – April 29, 2013

The weekend was great because it was Little A’s weekend with me. On Saturday evening I welcomed Princess and we went to our dance lesson, the first session in the advanced group.
We started at the end of January and we are now already confident enough to go dancing outside our lessons and we, Princess and I, enjoy ourselves very much doing so.

When we came back home I made some sandwiches with mozzarella and tomatoes melted the cheese in the oven and added fresh basil. I have some
Just delicious and the Bin 50 2011 Shiraz went very well with it.

After that we asked Little A. if she would mind if we went back to the Cohibar for an hour or so to dance.
It was no problem whatsoever.

When we came back, later than promised, Little A. was still playing The Sims 3.
Princess and I had some more wine and we talked awhile with Little A. and then called it a day and went to bed.

The next morning, Princess had to leave early, I spend some quality time with Little A. and watched some Disney Channel stuff and after that I fixed us dinner. Fried potatoes, chipolata and fresh green beans, cooked and then fried with chopped onions adding a mix of several vinegars just before serving.

In the early evening I drove Little A. back home, after all these years it still hurts saying goodbye and I really do miss her.

Fetched Princess who had visited Stella and Star in the mother/baby unit and she told me how Stella had been intractable, drowning in a pool of fears. Even with the proper medication psychosis surfaces regularly.
I took the love of my life for a walk and then we want back home were we started planning our September holiday.
One whole week, away from home, for Princess something she hasn’t done in decades and thus completely new, not only for her but for her kids too.
We decided not to go to far, just a few hours by car and we combine a wellness weekend in Windhagen, Germany, an Xmas present we got from the family with two nights in Bonn and an extra night in the Eiffel.
And on Friday, September 20, we will be eating in a Sushi restaurant near where we live, reservations will be made for around 19:00. We will probably choose the same as we did 2 years ago, when we dated for the first time.
Sometimes it is fun to have a tradition.
After the planning I took Princess to our bedroom and held her in my arms and made love to her.

Today it is April 29 and at noon I received a text message from Princess with an awesome poem she had written for our blog. And in the late afternoon she picked me up to visit an apartment I had found for Stella.
Stella loved it and the guy from the housing company wrote down her name and address and then asked it they could contact her work.
Momentarily Stella has no work but has a replacement income but for a potential landlord this means nothing of course.

After the visit we drove Stella back to where she is staying and she freaked out and she is so afraid. Terrified that she will never have a place to stay and troubled for the future of Star, her 4-month-old baby.

We spend a few hours reasoning with her but in vain, Stella was unable to see things in their perspective.
I know Princess is used to this but I felt powerless and sad and there is little that I can do to help.

Anyway next Sunday I’ll be picking up Princess and Stella and Star and I take them for a day out.
We are going to Vlissingen, The Netherlands, sea, sun and leisure and I hope Stella will be able to forget her troubles if only for a day.
She must understand that she is not alone. Stella has her brother and her sisters and her mother who really care for her.
And me.



Little A. is staying at my place this weekend. For this Friday she wanted something tasty for dinner.

So I bought some Shiitake mushrooms, baked them in butter and made a delicious sauce and topped it off with truffle oil.
The paste was al dente as she likes it and after the meal Little A. told me she had enjoyed it very much.

What could I do else than smile, a happy part-time father?

Well I wouldn’t be me if I hadn’t kept a mushroom. Just to make its portrait.

Shot with my Olympus E-PM1 and the excellent Lumix 20mm f1,7.


A question

“Stop the car,” I yelled.
Big A. immediately hit the brakes and I was happy to notice she didn’t forget putting the gear in neutral.
“Holy crap Pops, what is the matter? Do you want me to have a heart attack?”
Big A. really was pissed and I couldn’t blame her. Learning to drive is hard enough without having some madman sitting next to you screaming like hell.
I smiled and apologized.
“Sorry my firstborn. This was just some stupid exercise and you did well, you stopped and didn’t forget to shift your gear.”
“Thanks,” she answered, “but why stop here?”
I pointed to a set-aside terrain.
“I want to collect some twigs and grasses.”

Patiently Big A. waited and after a few minutes I climbed back into the car.
“Let’s drive, beloved daughter.”
And she just did that.

Half an hour later I dropped Big A. off at her mother’s place and before she got out she inquired if I was going to ask Princess The question.
“Sure as hell,” I nodded.
“Good luck old man. Keep me informed.”
Big A. smiled and gave me a big hug. Then she was gone.
For different reasons Princess and I can’t live together yet but we are looking forward to the day we can. It is merely a matter of time.
We promised each other we would spend the rest of our life together, for the better and the worse, and this bond, this promise is carved, indelible, in both our heart and soul. And one day, in the future, I will ask for her hand.

While I waited for Princess, she would spend the night at my place, I made some photographs.

The she arrived and I took her in my arms and I held her and kissed her and gazed into her beautiful eyes, warm oceans of immeasurable love.
We sat down, Princess and I, and I took her hand.
“My love,” I asked, “would you be my fiancé? I know we can’t live together or marry and it may take a few years for us to get there, but I wish to say, to show, that I will be forever at your side. That my heart, my soul, my body belongs solely to you. You are my everything, my partner, my best friend. My Love.”

She smiled and bend forward and moments before our lips touched she murmured “Yes, I do. You and I,  my love. Forever.”



This Wednesday I promised Big A. I would pick her up from school and left a little earlier at home because not far from our rendezvous place is an old graveyard.

I had visited it on a previous occasion and today I had my Olympus E-PM1 equipped with the Lumix 20mm 1,7 with me. Because the sun was shining and it was midday in an open place I used an 8x ND-filter so I still could use maximum aperture for a shallow depth of field.

I concentrated mainly on details.

These are some of the results.

Graveyard - 6

Graveyard - 5

Graveyard - 4

Graveyard - 3

Graveyard - 2

Graveyard - 1

Yellow. Dandelion.

It has been another stressful day at work and I’m still helping the Service Desk. Hell, being able to understand and speak several languages has its disadvantages.

Yet it is a challenge, taking the phone and speaking Dutch and the next call is in French, and then Dutch again, then English.

I didn’t go straight home this afternoon but parked near the woods and went for a walk. There is nobody waiting for me at home so who the fuck cares when I arrive at my apartment?

Sun was shining and there was a cool breeze and I was surrounded with a zillion signs of birth on thousands of branches ready to bloom.

I observed a heron, carefully wading through a pond, vigilant, then a sudden move and some silvery thing moving in its beak.

Older men jogging, breathing heavily and on their way to a certain heart attack, leaving behind the quickly dissipating odor of sweat and cheap cologne.

I made some images, nothing special, I just wanted to clear my mind, unwind.


A cloudscape

Lying on my terrace, late afternoon or early evening I see a blue sky and lots of fluffy clouds.

It mirrors in my window, I see my curtains and a piece of the outside brick wall and an image is composed in my head.

I sigh, why bother standing up and getting my camera? I’m feeling great in my lying chair, glass of red wine, Shiraz of course, in my hand. Some music, Laurie Anderson with Another Day In America, not a song, more a short story told with a computerized version of her voice.

You fucking lazy fart I think, nothing is ever created by doing nothing. So I get up and enter my apartment. The Olympus E-PM1 is waiting for me on the table with the awesome Lumix 20mm f1,7 already mounted. No surprise there, it is the only lens I use.

Back outside I make a few shots.

For one reason or another I choose this one to show as a final result.


Love, a tidal wave

Sunday, April 21st.

The week has ended and it has been a busy one for us both, for Princess and I. Work of course, but also emotional stress.

Princess has her kids and their issues and she shares them with me when we talk on the phone.
Then there is Stella and this past Thursday we had to go to the Mother/Baby unit where she resides, an hour drive, because she experienced a rather heavy panic attack.

We picked Stella and Star up on Saturday morning for the weekend when she stays at her mother’s place and it was a difficult ride back home because Stella was nervous. On Friday I had found an affordable apartment to rent and she had made an appointment for today.
The visit went well and after that Princess drove home with Stella and Star and I went back to my life.
When I picked up Princess and Stella and Star on Sunday evening everything went smoothly. Star was funny and Stella was kind and calm and she hugged us both when we finally left the mother/baby care unit at the hospital.

When Princess and I arrived at home we felt good and happy and I made some tea and we danced on a few Salsa songs.

Then we sat down on the couch and we looked at each other and we both felt it and without any hesitation I grabbed Princess by her hair and pulled her face against mine. We kissed and she moaned. Pulling her hair in a certain way makes her hot and steamy.
We kissed and held each other and I worked one hand under her dress and scratched her bare skin.
Princess’ kisses became more intense, I helped her out of her robe, unhooked her bra with one hand, yes I can, and managed to get rid of it leaving her in a black T-shirt and knickers.

Gave her a few slaps on her buttocks adding some nasty nipple pinching and then slid my hand between her thighs stimulating her until I felt she was on the verge of dropping from the cliff. Then I stopped moving my fingers and just held Princess in my arms, kissing her, holding her, petting her, feeling the soft golden hair slip through my fingers as if it was liquid gold.

Started all over, the slapping, the scratching, the hair pulling and the movements of my fingers between her thighs, feeling the moist warmth that was building up.
Stopped just in time, giving Princess time to step back from that dangerous cliff and then pushing her back towards it.

Then I grabbed her hair, pulled her from the sofa and directed the love of my life to the bedroom. No lights, just some pale light from a half full moon sneaking in through the half closed curtains.
I pushed her on her knees, her hands on her back, unzipped and gave it to her, my fingers in her hair moving her head for maximum pleasure.
Pulled her up after a few minutes and pushed Princess on the bed, with an indifferent move, just a cheap fuck for the evening.

Got next to Princess and kissed her, my hand between her legs, pushing her further and further, stopping in time, giving her some time to rest and starting over.
She was now begging me to give it all but when I asked her if she was sure she shook no with her head.

“Lie still,” I ordered her and got out of bed. Closed the curtains, lit some candles and got my horse whip and came back into the bedroom closing the door.
“Get up.”
Princess obeyed and I placed her about 3 feet from the closed door and then made her bend forward leaning with her hands against the door.
Pulled down her panties and gently stroked her buttocks before hitting her hard and by surprise with the horse whip.
One, two, three… I made her count out loud.
Slid my fingers between her legs. Princess was wet but not enough so I gave a few more before dropping the whip.
“Omg,” Princess whispered when I grabbed her hips and entered her giving her a few hard strokes before pulling back, stimulating her clit, then taking her again.

I sensed how Princess was now near climaxing so I stopped and ordered her to lie down on the bed where I mounted her, once again stopping before she got there, holding her close, so great, her warm and soft skin against mine, petting and kissing Princess.
Mounted her again and seconds before she climaxed I pulled back and pinched her nipples.
Princess sighed, moaned and I felt her pelvis shaking and Princess looked at me and closed her eyes, her whole body convulsing.
“I love you I love you I love you,” she repeated, holding me, pushing her body against mine.
Can one get more intimate?
Princess opened her eyes, beautiful oceans full of unconditional love.
“I’m so sorry,” she whispered, “but I think I’ve done it again. It felt that way. Did I?”
I smiled and told her there was nothing to worry about, it was just fine and normal and yes I am aware of the controversy that still exists but Princess had ejaculated and not for the first time. The last few months she ejaculates multiple times and almost every time when we make love. Princess has told me it feels awesome and addictive and that I am the love of her life, her future, her everything.
I feel that way too.

Ten minutes later I moved my body, her leg under my hip and I took Princess and I played her body, slapping her behind, pulling her hair, pinching her nipples.
Princess moaned and sighed and her body started convulsing again and I felt an important amount of warm and sticky fluid flowing over my inner thigh and she said a long a slow “wow” and closed her eyes and I felt how she was deeply moved and how we were really one, connected and she held me as if she never wanted to let me loose again and Princess didn’t stop mutter how she loved me.

I’m writing this with tears in my eyes because there are no words to describe the intensity of it all. How we felt, how we really where united for a moment in time. How we died and resurrected few moments later. Much more in love, closer to one another.

We, Princess and I, savored this intense moment and she promised she would bring a plastic matrass protector for our bed.
Yes it was a huge stain and this morning it had dried up leaving no trace whatsoever.

“You held back,” she told me when I drove her home.
“How?” I asked.
“You are my Master, please be more severe next time, give me more pain and give me more lust. I love it when you push me to my limits, when you play with me, dancing on that thin line between pleasure and real pain.”
I smiled and I felt happy.
Complete too.

Princess and I.

Red book (of Love)
Red book (of Love)