Thoughts – February, first few days

Saturday, February 2.
10:10 am.
“Happy birthday, my love,” I said when she entered my apartment. I took Princess in my arms and gave her a very long kiss.
Hell, we both love kissing.
Each other that is.

She loved the incense I had bought her, Sandalwood, but even more the holder in the form of a small elephant. The sticks go in the little holes on its back.
Princess adored the red coat of course.

After an hour she left, she had to fetch her youngest daughter from music school.

That evening we attended our Salsa course and then I took Princess to a restaurant where we enjoyed delicious mussels. Princess had told me, weeks up front, she wanted this for her birthday meal.
They weren’t on the menu but I had phoned a few days earlier, explaining what I wanted and needed while I made reservations.
Okay, they said, we’ll do.
Believe me, they where to die for.

We went back home, to my place that is, and I served her a delicious and very powerful Shiraz wine.

After enjoying a hot bath where I washed her hair we went to bed and I fucked her silly.

Sunday, February 3.
We woke up at 9 or so and I drove Princess home. First we went to the bakery where she bought 3 cakes for the birthday party of her Eldest Daughter and The Baby and at the same time it would be a baby drink.
The whole family was invited, people I had met before on some rare occasion and whom I liked.
I on the other hand was not invited nor wanted.
Yes, I had told Princess I understood this and I didn’t want to be the reason of a row between her kids whom dislike me even if they have never met me. They want their mother exclusively for them and I have the impression they don’t want her to be happy at all. For me they are just some egocentric brats.

Late that evening I drove to her place, feeling bad and lonesome and not desired and I stood outside, in the cold, while Princess and her Eldest Daughter got their belongings, even the hallway for me is forbidden territory.
I loaded everything in my car and made sure The Baby was well attached in its Maxi-Cozi.

We stayed a long time at the mother/baby compound and I held The Baby for some time in my arms and it felt very good.

We said goodbye to her Eldest Daughter and we drove to my place and we made love, it was very intense and at 01:30 I drove Princess back home and I went to sleep and woke up almost 5 hours later. I had to get to work.
I felt bad that Monday and I felt bad on Tuesday too, all day long.
Princess is in my life for a 100% but sometimes I doubt if it is reciprocal.

Yes, I am aware, her kids don’t want me, I understand this and I know, well, I hope, some day it may be different and that in some way they will accept me as their mother’s partner. But as time goes by I see no change in their attitude against me. Just hate.
So most of the time I feel like Don Quixote, fighting windmills, someone who will end alone.
There is no doubt about if, I feel and recognize Princess’ genuine love for me.
Yet I still feel so alone.

You and I

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