Looking back

Inspired by a blog post I read this morning I tried to find out what made me become what I am, a Dom.

I had a very happy childhood and I can’t remember any fight or even quarrel between my parents. My father worked, my mother stayed at home, it was all very traditional. They were middle-aged and I was born about 8 months after their marriage.

My father was strict but not severe and he fuelled my imagination by telling me stories, encouraging me to read as much as possible and to discover my inner fantasies. Without being presumptuous I guess he made an intellectual out of me.

I remember my mother sitting in her armchair and I, at her feet, 4 years old or so, playing with her legs, enjoying the silky feel of her nylons.
One day I sneaked in their bedroom and in the chest of drawers I found a catalogue of an exposition they had gone to. I must have been 5 or 6 because my sister wasn’t born yet.

I leafed through the book with paintings by the Belgian surrealist Paul Delvaux. I saw completely naked women with strange, big and black triangles between their legs. Men sharply dressed in weird settings. It were these dark triangles that tickled my imagination most and that I think it is the reason why I’m more a pussy man than a breast lover.

Nothing else happened and my sexuality developed in a normal way.
Shortly after my 13th birthday my father passed away, aged 64 and it felt as I had been amputated as he was my god, my teacher. The pain loosing him has never ever left me.

When I was 16 I saw the French movie The Story of O. I’d seen sex movies before but this film was a revelation and I was really excited about it, reviewing the bondage scenes over and over in my head.

After a few relations I got married at 30, and divorced her 16 years later. The sex had always been good, but it never felt that special to me. With neither of the women I come to think of. It never felt complete; it was never overwhelming, hell, it was just plain boring vanilla sex.

I have a collection of art books about fetish and bondage photography and yet I never added domination in my sex life. It never felt okay, not that I was afraid showing myself as a Dom. None of the ladies inspired me enough to be what I secretly wanted to be.

Then I met L. and boy, she was the one I had been waiting for all of my life. I had finally found my Holy Grail and it had been a very long quest.

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